You Can't Catch Me . . .

I have found the worst Wii game that ever was made. And it is called The Ninjabread Man.

So, when you think of a game, a few niceties pop into your head: little things called "plot" or "characters" or even "usable controls." Ninjabread Man eschews all of these things for nonsensical, impossible, pointless platforming and the opportunity to be eaten by food.

Well, I guess it's not true that there's no plot. I found the plot in the instruction booklet. By accident. While trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Apparently, "Sweetworld" has been ruined by the evil "Toothrotters" which are evil cupcakes, pieces of cake, and . . . bees. I don't get it either. And you have to . . . fight them? I guess?

That doesn't make any sense, though. Gingerbread is as much a sweet as cake or bees! Why would they be fighting? You know what? I'm just not going to think about it anymore. Let the twisted developers have their bee cake. It hurts my head trying to invent plot where there is none.

Anyway, so the point of every level is to get to the teleporter at the end of the level to get to the next level. You have to curse your way through frustrating jump puzzles until you collect enough items to move along. Maybe even that wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the atrocious controls.

First off: props to Ninjabread Man for trying to make a game entirely with the Wii motion controls. I understand what they were going for. The problem lies in their failure to realize accurate movement detection. For example: To jump, you must move the nunchuck up. This works about 60 percent of the time. The hit-or-miss nature of the controls becomes a major frustration early on. It makes simple tasks like performing a simple jump puzzle or attacking an enemy incredibly difficult.

The idea had potential. A gingerbread man who is also a ninja is funny. But this game . . . this game is not funny.