I SWEAR TO GOD LADY, WE DON'T HAVE ANY WIIS

So. You may be looking for a wii this christmas. Well, forget it. Just give up and die. Give up, die, dig your own grave, shovel dirt over yourself, pat it all nice and forget about it.

1. There aren't very many. I don't know why. Nintendo decided that they wanted to see people fight to the death across America. Possibly with spears.

2. SO MANY PEOPLE are looking for them. I get asked 100 times a day. 100 times! I counted. I have the same conversation every time:

"Do you have any wiis?" (No.) "Do you know when you'll be getting any aforementioned wiis?" (oh, don't you wish) "Don't you have a list I can get on?"(Absolutely not, but if I did, there would be 2316 people ahead of you - do you mind waiting?) "Can't you hold a wii for me when you get one and call me up on my private cell phone to tell me so you can hold one for hours while rabid soccer moms chew on your flesh and rend your uniform while you hold the wii aloft, mere inches from their clutching grasp?" (letmethinkaboutitNO.)

I sympathize. I really do. In the end, we're all just people - you who desperately want a wii for your child, your grandma, your dying hamster - I don't know - And I who must endure a battery of repetitive and indignant questioning while still trying to remain civil and compassionate. I wish I could sell them, I really do, but we just. don't. have any.

And so, gentle and ungentle customers, we are at an impasse. I sit behind the fortress of my less desireable items - my PS3 portcullis with 360 crenellations - armed only with courtesy. And yet . . . You approach me and my ilk full of righteous consumerism, cash in hand, a simple requst falling from your lips. Wiis. That's all you really want, and all I really don't have.

Thank you for the Banana

I was all set up to write in my new blog. I was really happy that I'd have the chance to rant and rave and hem and haw about anything I desired, but wouldn't you know it, I can't think of a thing.

OOOH OOH NO WAIT!!

Okay - here goes:

Once, when I was in college, I was sitting at a table, eating a banana. A thought appeared in my head. It wasn't a thought so much as an image, really. A line of people in banana suits performed the can-can on the stage of my mind. As they kicked and turned, they sang a song.

"Thank you for the Banana," They said.

This sort of thing happens often. Unbidden thoughts and images come to my mind. Sometimes funny, sometimes . . .

Here, I will share them with you. Maybe you'll find them funny, maybe not. But if you do, I hope you occaisionally envision a dancing line of well-dressed people that sing (in perfect and melodious harmony) "Thank you for reading this blog."